I dont know what brought this to mind last night but in conversation I was reminded of a story I heard as a little kid and I remember thinking I was gonna make sure MY kids did this! The story goes like this...There was a father splitting wood for the fire so his wife could cook dinner on their wood stove for the evening, his young son played in a nearby tree he had often climbed in. This story had been passed down by the story teller by his grandfather and he wasnt sure of the exact time period, but it was a more innocent, simple time when kids knew how to play outside and use what is called "imagination" and men worked hard. Women still worked at home and both parents taught their children love and respect and prayed at the dinner table. And even more unheard of...the term "till death do us part" was taken seriously.
Every so often the father would look over his shoulder at his young son sitting in the tree keeping a close eye when he suddenly stopped and called out "son, I want you to sit there and be still - DONT move". He calmly walked over to the tree where his son was, with curious eyes, not moving, not even asking why, but you could see the question burning in his mind. "Son, do you trust me?" "Yes", he said. "Then I want you to close your eyes and sit very still and dont move a muscle". The son did just that. At the instant the boys eyes shut the fathers ax head came down just mere inches from the boys hand cutting a snake's head cleanly from its body, removing the boy from any harm. "Ok son, you can open your eyes...it was just a snake, your fine now". The storyteller goes on to tell that the young boy of course was excited to see the cool snake, but the father had to explain that the snake was poisonous and not to be played with. That is why it was important that he trust him and listen to him when he told him to not move.
I dont know if the story was true or not, BUT it has always stuck with me, and it was something I did try to teach my kids, and when they were little they did have that unquestionable trust. But times have changed. Outside influence has taught our children to ask "why".
I too was conditioned to ask "Why". Suffering from and with depression for as long as I can remember going back into my early childhood I have asked that question so many times if I had a penny for each time I said that word I'd be the richest woman on earth. Can you relate to that too? Did you know that in any given one year period, 9.5% of the population, or about 18.8 million American adults suffer from a depressive illness*? WOW...I think thats staggering. But how funny is how alone you feel. Its not something that you talk about when you go through depression. The stereotype has changed some today, but, its still there. People joke about getting their happy pills, and doctors over diagnose depression as if they were diagnosing a cold. Sometimes, people just get into a funk...not really a depression. So they joke...and dont understand just how it works for those of us that struggle with the illness.
Most people with depression never seek treatment...so 18.8 million is not an accurate number.
Astounding to me, and are the numbers also including those you really arent depressed? Hmmm guess its a question with no real answer.
I began to go through the worst experience of severe depression I'd had in my life back in 2004 and it was the first time I'd heard the term (by a wonderful attentive doctor who actually listened to me and started me on my path to healing) called Manic Depressive Disorder. Then he told me that I'd been treated wrong for several years and thats why I've never gotten out of my depression. He also told me that as a small child all the lonely feelings, always being on the outside looking in, being withdrawn, the sadness, melancholy, basically all the same symptoms I had at the time of my visit was a biological problem, not a "bad child - something wrong with you - snap out of it" problem. Then he said something that really freaked me out. Bi-Polar Disorder. WHAT?!? No...no not me...but you said Manic Depressive Disorder! What I found out, that IS Bi-Polar Disorder. I was numb. I WAS what I had often called people when I thought they were acting "crazy"! I was given a handful of paperwork, and books and told to go home, read and let it all sink in and come back in a week. I had visions of "Bi-Polar People" hearing voices, seeing things, padded cells, straight jackets, mental hospitals! Well I did my reading, Internet research (let me tell you the Internet kinda scared me more than I scared myself, no real life information from anyone on there!!!!) and I went back to my doctor. I told him my fears and asked him. "Am I crazy?" He looked me in the eye, took my hand, and said in a firm voice, "You need to trust me, do you trust me and sometimes you just need to listen instead of trying to do everything yourself?" and after seeing him for some time I said yes. "NO, your not crazy." He went on to explain how Bi-Polar disorder is such a broad spectrum disorder and luckily I was not on the high end thats where people do hear voices and see things. And after his discussion with me, I changed my thinking..NO ONE is crazy..I hate that term. People are only ill. So....other than finding out Bi-Polar disorder IS a mental illness, it is a form of depression....SEVERE depression...that can come and go...it has highs and lows...when your high - wow your high! When your low - you can suffocate! Its not something you can do on your own, well you can, but the rate of suicide with those suffering Bi-Polar Disorder is 15% - 30 times higher than the general population. Some studies have come up with 30% - 50% risk rates!**
BUT the most important thing that I learned on that visit was this, and this is what I want to share with you.
If you have been told that you suffer from Bi-Polar disorder or Manic Depression. YOU ARE NOT BI-POLAR, YOU ARE NOT MANIC DEPRESSIVE.....change your thinking, this is an illness. Would you say you are cancer? You are diabetic? No - you wouldnt. You first change your way of thinking in order to conquer this...you start saying I HAVE Bi-Polar Disorder, I HAVE Manic Depression. I hear so many people say " I am Bi-Polar". I have to laugh and say "WOW how did that happen? Did you mean you have?"
Right now I'm being really open to you about my illness....but its something about me that only a handful of people know about me. And I mean I can count on one hand the number of people that know that about me. So this blog is a baby step for me. I think thats okay, it IS personal. People still view anyone with any type of mental illness as crazy. I'd like to educate and support if I can, even in a small way by telling my story if I can. It took me a long time to understand how my illness worked, to understand my triggers and how to pull myself out of deep depression when it hit. It IS a fine art that takes a lot of time and sometimes it sneaks up on me. Sometimes no matter what I do, I cant fight it and without medication and my faith I probably wouldnt be typing this to you today. Sometimes circumstance still puts me in depression though not major (and sometimes major), and it happens often, but I can pull myself out of it. I've learned to lean on friends, talk talk talk alot. I have to talk when I get depressed or see myself "slipping" as I call it. If I hold in the things that bother me...then I fall. Things bother me that dont bother others. I dont know why, they just do, its my brains make up. I have learned not to make some choices by myself too, I cant, my judgements arent always good ones.
I have learned that sometimes I need to just listen to people I trust and surround myself with good people. It took me a long time to learn that. A long time to stop asking "why" so often. I still do. Its a frustrating illness. But its controllable. Like the young boy in the tree who listened to his Father....I now have to lean on my Heavenly Father for advice and guidance. I stumbled a long time on my own, bad judgement calls and choices that my illness caused me to make. Those are a lot of the things I'm gonna talk about in this journal, it is my story, its what I have to tell, its the REAL side of this illness that people dont often talk about. Those bad choices, what it does to your family, your friends, the lasting effects and how it changes you for good. Not all bad either...it either breaks you...or it makes you stronger. I chose to rise from the ashes.
Its a daily thing that I wake up and remind myself now...."dont forget today you may need to stop and listen!"
*http://www.anxietypanic.com
**Http://www.bipolar-lives.com
Every so often the father would look over his shoulder at his young son sitting in the tree keeping a close eye when he suddenly stopped and called out "son, I want you to sit there and be still - DONT move". He calmly walked over to the tree where his son was, with curious eyes, not moving, not even asking why, but you could see the question burning in his mind. "Son, do you trust me?" "Yes", he said. "Then I want you to close your eyes and sit very still and dont move a muscle". The son did just that. At the instant the boys eyes shut the fathers ax head came down just mere inches from the boys hand cutting a snake's head cleanly from its body, removing the boy from any harm. "Ok son, you can open your eyes...it was just a snake, your fine now". The storyteller goes on to tell that the young boy of course was excited to see the cool snake, but the father had to explain that the snake was poisonous and not to be played with. That is why it was important that he trust him and listen to him when he told him to not move.
I dont know if the story was true or not, BUT it has always stuck with me, and it was something I did try to teach my kids, and when they were little they did have that unquestionable trust. But times have changed. Outside influence has taught our children to ask "why".
I too was conditioned to ask "Why". Suffering from and with depression for as long as I can remember going back into my early childhood I have asked that question so many times if I had a penny for each time I said that word I'd be the richest woman on earth. Can you relate to that too? Did you know that in any given one year period, 9.5% of the population, or about 18.8 million American adults suffer from a depressive illness*? WOW...I think thats staggering. But how funny is how alone you feel. Its not something that you talk about when you go through depression. The stereotype has changed some today, but, its still there. People joke about getting their happy pills, and doctors over diagnose depression as if they were diagnosing a cold. Sometimes, people just get into a funk...not really a depression. So they joke...and dont understand just how it works for those of us that struggle with the illness.
Most people with depression never seek treatment...so 18.8 million is not an accurate number.
Astounding to me, and are the numbers also including those you really arent depressed? Hmmm guess its a question with no real answer.
I began to go through the worst experience of severe depression I'd had in my life back in 2004 and it was the first time I'd heard the term (by a wonderful attentive doctor who actually listened to me and started me on my path to healing) called Manic Depressive Disorder. Then he told me that I'd been treated wrong for several years and thats why I've never gotten out of my depression. He also told me that as a small child all the lonely feelings, always being on the outside looking in, being withdrawn, the sadness, melancholy, basically all the same symptoms I had at the time of my visit was a biological problem, not a "bad child - something wrong with you - snap out of it" problem. Then he said something that really freaked me out. Bi-Polar Disorder. WHAT?!? No...no not me...but you said Manic Depressive Disorder! What I found out, that IS Bi-Polar Disorder. I was numb. I WAS what I had often called people when I thought they were acting "crazy"! I was given a handful of paperwork, and books and told to go home, read and let it all sink in and come back in a week. I had visions of "Bi-Polar People" hearing voices, seeing things, padded cells, straight jackets, mental hospitals! Well I did my reading, Internet research (let me tell you the Internet kinda scared me more than I scared myself, no real life information from anyone on there!!!!) and I went back to my doctor. I told him my fears and asked him. "Am I crazy?" He looked me in the eye, took my hand, and said in a firm voice, "You need to trust me, do you trust me and sometimes you just need to listen instead of trying to do everything yourself?" and after seeing him for some time I said yes. "NO, your not crazy." He went on to explain how Bi-Polar disorder is such a broad spectrum disorder and luckily I was not on the high end thats where people do hear voices and see things. And after his discussion with me, I changed my thinking..NO ONE is crazy..I hate that term. People are only ill. So....other than finding out Bi-Polar disorder IS a mental illness, it is a form of depression....SEVERE depression...that can come and go...it has highs and lows...when your high - wow your high! When your low - you can suffocate! Its not something you can do on your own, well you can, but the rate of suicide with those suffering Bi-Polar Disorder is 15% - 30 times higher than the general population. Some studies have come up with 30% - 50% risk rates!**
BUT the most important thing that I learned on that visit was this, and this is what I want to share with you.
If you have been told that you suffer from Bi-Polar disorder or Manic Depression. YOU ARE NOT BI-POLAR, YOU ARE NOT MANIC DEPRESSIVE.....change your thinking, this is an illness. Would you say you are cancer? You are diabetic? No - you wouldnt. You first change your way of thinking in order to conquer this...you start saying I HAVE Bi-Polar Disorder, I HAVE Manic Depression. I hear so many people say " I am Bi-Polar". I have to laugh and say "WOW how did that happen? Did you mean you have?"
Right now I'm being really open to you about my illness....but its something about me that only a handful of people know about me. And I mean I can count on one hand the number of people that know that about me. So this blog is a baby step for me. I think thats okay, it IS personal. People still view anyone with any type of mental illness as crazy. I'd like to educate and support if I can, even in a small way by telling my story if I can. It took me a long time to understand how my illness worked, to understand my triggers and how to pull myself out of deep depression when it hit. It IS a fine art that takes a lot of time and sometimes it sneaks up on me. Sometimes no matter what I do, I cant fight it and without medication and my faith I probably wouldnt be typing this to you today. Sometimes circumstance still puts me in depression though not major (and sometimes major), and it happens often, but I can pull myself out of it. I've learned to lean on friends, talk talk talk alot. I have to talk when I get depressed or see myself "slipping" as I call it. If I hold in the things that bother me...then I fall. Things bother me that dont bother others. I dont know why, they just do, its my brains make up. I have learned not to make some choices by myself too, I cant, my judgements arent always good ones.
I have learned that sometimes I need to just listen to people I trust and surround myself with good people. It took me a long time to learn that. A long time to stop asking "why" so often. I still do. Its a frustrating illness. But its controllable. Like the young boy in the tree who listened to his Father....I now have to lean on my Heavenly Father for advice and guidance. I stumbled a long time on my own, bad judgement calls and choices that my illness caused me to make. Those are a lot of the things I'm gonna talk about in this journal, it is my story, its what I have to tell, its the REAL side of this illness that people dont often talk about. Those bad choices, what it does to your family, your friends, the lasting effects and how it changes you for good. Not all bad either...it either breaks you...or it makes you stronger. I chose to rise from the ashes.
Its a daily thing that I wake up and remind myself now...."dont forget today you may need to stop and listen!"
*http://www.anxietypanic.com
**Http://www.bipolar-lives.com
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